Someday Comes Some Day
by Konpeitou
Summary: Revised and re-uploaded. While spending an autumn day with Touya, Hikaru is reminded of a promise he made to tell his friend 'someday', and Akira wonders if 'someday' will ever come. HikaruAkira friendship, shounen ai if you really want.. One Shot.


Konpeitou : This is a reposting. I had written this fic in a couple of hours to appease my muse and get back to studying but now that my midterm is over I've realized that several of the reviews were correct and I wasn't particularly happy with how the story turned out. So this is an altered version of the original story, but mostly still the same.  I hope that this version has a better feel to it than the first. 

Kuja : And…

Konpeitou : And I would also like to thank Halcyon Clouds, sara-chan, JMJV, Enkeli. Shimizu Hitomi, Caleyndar, summercloud, Jessi-chan, mirai aria, Cheska, and I for wonderful and helpful reviews. If any of you read this again, I hope I don't disappoint. 

Konpeitou : To Enkeli, your imput was very helpful, upon re-reading I noticed many of your points, so thanks for bringing it to my attention. Again, I hope this version is better than the last and thank you all for reading. 

Disclaimer : I don't own Hikaru no Go or I wouldn't have left the story off at such a pitiful ending. I write this only because my muse decided to whack me upside the head with inspiration when I should be studying for my midterm. 

Someday Comes Some Day

I think I like autumn best. That time of year when it's not too hot and humid and not yet frigid. I suppose spring is the same way but I prefer cooling off from heat than recovering from frost, personally. But that's just me. On some days like this – when the weather isn't quite unpleasantly chilly yet and there's a small spattering of snow, but not full blankets of it yet, and it's almost instinct to curl up in something warm and just doze off – I seem to turn rather introspective and thoughtful. It's all just so… _relaxing. Abruptly, a small tendril of steam interrupts my gaze of the gently falling snow outside the thick glass window. I blink dumbly for a few minutes, my mind taking a moment to register the heat coming from a cup which is in turn held by a hand. Following the length of navy sweater, my eyes come to rest on the pale face of Touya framed by that dark blue-black hair of his. By the small smile he seems to be mildly amused, probably because of my inattention, I figure. _

"Green tea?" he offers, still holding that cup in front of me. I smile slightly and take the proffered drink. 

"Aa, doumo." He nods a little and straightens, carrying his own tea a small distance away to where he carefully folds his legs beneath him and sinks to the ground in one fluid motion, not even unbalancing his tea. I roll my eyes inwardly; he's too damn graceful. 

We're kind of mirrored now – both sitting comfortably on the floor, backs to the wall, warm tea in our hands and staring at the snow outside the window. I gingerly sip at my tea and look up at the ceiling. It's strange to think of things, sometimes. Think of how they are now and how they used to be. To me, it's always strange to stop and think about how thinks have changed in the past few years, especially between Touya and me. I mean, really! One day I'm playing some kid to get a ghost in my head to shut up, he next he's chasing me, then I'm chasing him, then avoiding him chasing me, then chasing him… well, so on and so forth until one day… we're friends. Who'd have figured that, huh? 

Granted, we basically yelled at each other as much as we were civil and not a few people thought we'd try to strangle each other at some point, but I think they just didn't get it. Arguing is part of the fun. I don't think Touya yelled enough when he was younger, personally, so it was probably all good for him anyway. It used to amuse me as much as it infuriated me when we got into our little 'spats'. Funny, actually, how we've known each other for years and yet still refer to each other by surnames. I always feel like I'd be stepping over a line to suddenly call him 'Akira' without his permission, and yet I often think that if I'm not the one to change things it'll never happen. Maa ii ya. Not like it really matters, I still call Waya by his surname, too, but somehow that feels different – I don't have the history with him that I have with Touya. 

I take another sip of my tea and shift my attention off the ceiling and instead stare at the goban in the middle of the room with mild annoyance. The stones are still on the board, arranged neatly from when we counted territory after the last game. 

I lost. Again. 

I think in the past couple years since we've become 'friends', I've won only a handful of times, and generally by a rather small margin. The times I've lost to him on the other hand, well…. I'd rather not dwell on that. 

Again, it's strange to think of how things have changed. Honestly, back during all those times of chasing, I'd never have believed we'd come to a point anywhere near this. There were times when I thought my whole career – or even my life! – would be spent chasing him around. And now… we play games on a regular basis and are two of the highest ranking pros in the Japanese Go world. Hell, not to brag but we're even pretty well known in China and Korea, too. It's a pity we're 18 now, no more North Star Cup for us, but maybe some of the newer guys can pick it up. At least Ochi is still in the running. 

I stop sipping my tea and just cradle it in my hands for a bit, thoughts wandering to other subjects. Unfortunately, on days like these I can't seem to help but think of Sai. It's been a couple years since he… disappeared or whatever it was that happened to him, but sometimes it still hurts. I may have hated being possessed at first, but I really had come to care for Sai… I didn't want to loose him. I suppose I shouldn't have taken his presence for granted while he was around. 

But then, I already know that. Wonderful thing, hindsight is. 

Touya is spaced out, staring in the direction of the window with a glazed look that makes me think he's not really looking at the snow falling. His tea is mostly full, too – mine is more than half-empty by now – and it somehow catches my attention. Maybe he just wanted some to warm his hands with but somehow I don't think so. Known him too long, I guess. Is there such a thing as knowing someone too long? I don't think so, but whatever, it's beside the point anyway. The point is : Touya is being strange. I think that's the point, anyway. 

"Touya?" I question gently, just curious probing. He makes a small noise of attention but otherwise doesn't make any type of response. "Doushita no?" 

He blinks a little and I can see his sea-blue eyes flicker briefly in my direction. You know, between that long hair, slender build, graceful demeanor and those eyes it's not surprising he has such a fanbase. Equally unsurprising is how often he is compared to a girl in the shadows. But those eyes – that can't seem to decide whether they want to be blue or green and so settle for a nice shade in the middle that seems like it would fit in with the waters around the Caribbean or something – flicker back away from me and I can't help but blink a little in surprise. 

Staring at nothing in particular, he speaks quietly.

"When is 'someday', Shindou?" The question appears completely random to me so I frown slightly as I try to come up with an answer.

"Someday is just… someday," I say lamely. Getting no response I sigh and lean my head back against the wall, trying to think of something more to say. "I guess 'someday' is just an undetermined time in the future, a day that will come at some point or other but no one can say for sure when. So it's just… 'some day' or another." I'm not really sure I made any sense with that, but Touya sighs a little and shifts his position a bit. 

"So does that mean that conceivably 'someday' could never come?" I can't see what point this could possibly have but I keep talking anyway, curious as to where this is all leading. 

"I suppose so, but I think usually 'someday' applies to something happening when it's supposed to, and not before." I shrug, I really have no idea what I'm talking about here. "I suppose it could never come and I suppose it could come and go and never be seized, but I think that 'someday' is always there."

He blinks a few times and there's a strange little half-smile on his lips. "I don't think I missed it…" he murmurs so lightly that I almost didn't hear him. But there's no sound but the two of us and the wind and snow outside so I was able to discern the sounds, piquing my curiosity more. 

"What are you waiting for, Touya?" I ask, despite myself, frowning minutely. I feel like I'm stepping into dangerous territory, but that's silly, isn't it? This is just a random – strange, but random – conversation… right? Still, the apprehension is rising. He turns his head a little to face me and there's still that odd little smile on his lips and an intense glint in his eyes that I don't know what to make of. 

"I'm waiting for 'someday'," he tells me simply. I curl my lip briefly in distaste at so-obvious and simple answer; he seems amused by my reaction, but I ignore it.

"And what are you expecting to find 'someday'?" I continue. The smile fades and all that's left is the intense gaze focused only on me. The apprehension increases.

"The truth."

"The truth to what?" I persist, resisting the urge to roll my eyes and get exasperated. I take another sip of my tea. Touya's watching me still, intense and determined, and I can't help the shiver that rolls along my spine as I remember what it was like to have him look at me like that – like he was measuring me, gauging me, what I appear to be against what I should be. It's been a long time since he's looked at me like that and I'm wracking my mind for a reason for it. 

"I guess," he says, breaking eye contact to look a little past my shoulder and I release a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. He looks thoughtful again. "I'm looking for an answer to a question I asked a long time ago." 

_'What question?'_ I want to ask, but can't bring myself to, so instead I ask another. "How long have you been waiting for 'someday' to come?" 

Touya shrugs, a gentle, graceful roll of his shoulders. "A couple years." 

If I had had any tea in my mouth I probably would have choked. _Years?! _

He glances at me again with those piercing eyes and I immediately look away. 

"What could possibly be so important to have you thinking so deeply about it years later?" I wonder incredulously, "I mean really, _years, Touya?"_

He shrugs fluidly again. "It's something I really want to know."

"Touya– " I begin, not really sure what I'm going to say but he cuts me off before I have the chance to figure it out anyway. 

"Shindou." Those eyes are intense again and focused directly on me. I wish I could scoot back farther into the wall. "If you promised to tell someone a secret 'someday', how long would you wait for 'someday' to come?" 

I'm really confused now and blink dumbly in confusion for a moment. It's so disconcerting when he's staring at me like that and I really don't like not knowing where this is all heading. Apprehension is in full gear by now. "I-I dunno. I guess it depends on the secret and the person." 

"Hypothetically," Touya says with a small nod, like my stammered answer fell perfectly in whatever it was he was getting at, "If it were Fujisaki-san, Waya-san, or myself, then what?" 

"Depends." I huff, becoming a little disgruntled with this questioning. When did I become topic of conversation, anyway? "What's the _hypothetical_ secret?" Touya doesn't answer immediately and instead carefully sets his tea cup down and turns to face me fully, some of his hair slipping over his shoulder as he leans forward pointedly. Somehow, I find it acutely frightening. 

"'Who is the other you inside?'" He says it so clearly, so sure of himself that I actually drop my cup in shock. What little tea was in it spills onto the tatami mats and I make a show of worrying about it, really not wanting to answer that question. I suddenly remember exactly what he's talking about and as the memories flash through my head I berate myself for not heeding my instincts earlier. My hands are shaking as I fumble for the glass and only half my mind is there while the other half is reliving old memories. 

_"Since I know you best, I understand. Only _I_ understand. There's… another person inside of you."_

_Touya found Sai. The Sai only I knew until now. Sai. Touya found you. _

_"…no. All you are is the Go you play. That won't change. That's enough."_

_"For you, yeah… I might tell you someday."_

_"Shindou!__ What do you mean?"_

_"Wh-what?"_

_"There is something, tell me!" _

_"Tell you? No way! You just said all I am is the Go I play and that's fine!"_

_"Th-that's true, but…"_

_"Then don't ask anymore."_

_"But you said you'd tell me…!"_

_"Someday!__ I said someday! A log time from now, baka!"_

That was years ago, our first game together after I became a pro. After I had come back from Sai's disappearance. My mind reels thinking of how long he's been waiting for that answer, about how much he must have thought about this. 

_Sai_… 

I feel like choking, like my ribs are constricting on my chest. The memories are still painful, still raw with mourning. I stare down at the small wet spot on the floor, struggling to get my voice under control. I hadn't expected the memories to hurt so much. Then again, I hadn't expected to ever be asked about this, either. I'd thought about it, yes, but never really expected it to happen. 

"Touya," I don't like the way my voice sounds, but I can't help it. The tatami mat is blurring in my vision, but I don't look up. "Why are you asking me this? What is it you want to know?"

"…I just want to know when I can find someday, Shindou…"

"And what if someday never comes?" I have a little more control of my voice now but I still feel like I'm spiraling out of control. I can't bring myself to look at him yet. "What will you do then, Touya?" 

He's silent a moment before answering hesitantly, voice significantly quieter than before. "If you tell me someday will never come, then I guess I'll have the only answer I'm ever going to get."

I sigh heavily and lean back against the wall, drawing my legs up and draping on arm around them while I keep the other occupied with rubbing at my eyes with  thumb and forefinger, somewhat pinching the bridge of my nose as I try to think. We've left the realm of 'hypothetical' and I know that no amount of denying or lies would get me out of this situation, it would only confirm for him that I've never had any intention of telling him and I don't know what to do about that kind of betrayal. So my big dilemma : Should tell him or shouldn't I? 

Touya was the first one to ever really "meet" Sai, He was the first to suspect where he was. He was the only one to ever find him. But more than all that, even when Sai was gone and I was the only one left… he didn't ignore me. He was content to play me, even if he could never play Sai again. But I have to know…

"Touya, tell me something … Who has been the rival for you all these years, was it me or was it Sai? Have you just been looking for him all this time?" I have to know the answer, but at the same time I'm not all that sure I really _want to know. In the silence I risk a glance; he's frowning slightly and his gaze is unfocused, thoughtful. _

"In the beginning… I noticed the other you inside. When I first saw _you I was… disappointed, because you weren't who I thought you were. But then," he shrugs again, and this time he looks a little uncomfortable, "In the end, Shindou Hikaru was – and is – my rival."_

My head falls back against the wall again and inexplicably I'm relieved by his answer. I still don't know what to say – how do you go about telling someone that they chased a thousand-year-old ghost that disappeared years before? – but it's comforting that our friendship hasn't all been a charade. 

"…Hikaru, you don't have to tell me now if you don't want to. I just want an answer, is someday today? Another day? Never? I think I can be content with at least that much…"

A sudden sense of vertigo hits me, like the world is dropping out from under me. _He called me Hikaru… oh gawd, he used my first name. That phrase just emanated trust… I don't know what to make of it. I force myself to look at him._

He's still intense but no longer demanding, a little more innocent and a lot more subdued. His eyes have taken on a darker blue shade and they gleam with something I still can't identify. I want to tell him, I want someone else to know about Sai, but at the same time I don't want to give it up. I was the only one who knew Sai, I don't want to lose that to anyone, but… How much longer can I keep it all inside? I don't know what to do and I feel like the indecision is going to kill me. 

"I'll give you 'someday', To– Akira…" I suck in a deep breath, running my shaking hand though my hair with a broken, nervous laugh. "But you wouldn't believe me even if I told you." Part of me hopes, uselessly, that he'll take my word for it and drop the subject, but I'm not particularly surprised that he doesn't; he's spent years waiting for this, right?

"Try me," is all he says.

"What do you want me to say? That I'm schizophrenic? Sai is just another personality in my head that happened to be a master Go player? What do you want, Touya?" A part of me notes that I've pretty much admitted to being Sai, at least to some degree, so there's no backing out now. I also notice belatedly that I've reverted back to his surname without thinking, but it's too late to correct myself. It probably wouldn't matter anyway, saying it once has already shown an immense amount of trust… on both our parts.  

"I just want the truth…"

"You won't believe me."

"We'll never know if you don't tell me anything."

"Touya…"

"Shindou," he pauses and sighs, leaning against the wall and looking away from me. "It's fine, you don't want to tell me. I shouldn't have pushed." And somehow that makes me feel guilty. I don't know why it should, I'm not the one who brought it up in the first place, but it does. I feel like I've betrayed his trust or something. It's not even that he reverted back as well, though I have a mild impression that he's withdrawing with it as well as following my unconscious lead. Still, I feel like we're not really friends if I leave it like this. 

"You had said before that all I am is the Go I play and that was enough," I try to smile, but it's a pitiful joke and we both know it. I sigh. "Do you believe in ghosts, Touya?"

His gaze turns sharply to me, confusion and suspicion written clearly in his narrowed eyes. "I'm not sure…" he answers carefully. 

"Not sure?" I frown, "Either you do or you don't." His withering glare speaks more than words what he thinks about my attitude. 

"I've never met a ghost to prove it for me but there're too many stories to not have at least have some grain of truth so… I don't know. I suppose they _can exist but I've never had any proof either way."_

Well, that doesn't leave me a very good opening for me, but I suppose it could be worse. All the times I've thought about telling him over the years run through my head, and none of the scenarios seem to fit for me. Despite my reservations I've wanted to tell him before on more than one occasion but always found reasons or excuses not to. My head falls until my forehead rest against my palm and I mutter to myself, "Where the hell am I even supposed to begin…?"

"How about at the beginning?" I look up, Touya had moved closer to me at some point and was now within arms reach. 

"That's really far back," I tell him with a wry smile, but I take a deep breath and decide to start there anyway. Some background couldn't really hurt, I suppose, and it's not like he's going to believe it anyway. "About a thousand years ago during the Heian period, the emperor had two men to teach him Go. He decided that he only needed one and set the two to play each other and the winner would continue as his teacher. Long story short, one cheated and when the other was going to say something, he accused the innocent one of cheating instead. Dishonored and distraught, he left the palace and drowned himself in a lake. All he had really wanted was to play Go…" I trail off, memories coming up fresh as I recount the story. I can still remember when Sai had told me all this, told me his history. What an insensitive brat I had been back then, hardly caring of all his pain. _Sai... I push the pain aside and try to continue._

"Because he wanted to play Go so much, he couldn't move on, his spirit got trapped in a goban." I look over at Touya to try to gauge his reaction, but so far he's listening intently, if with some confusion. It's strange, but it's not as hard to speak as I always figured it would be, once I get started. I can almost imagine it's a phantom Touya I'm telling like all the other make-believe conversations I've had in the past within the confines of my mind. If I just pretend, it's so much easier to speak. "Years later a man comes along that can hear the voice in the goban and the ghost was released. He possessed the young man and through him continued to play Go. He got sick and died at an early age and the ghost returned to the goban, carrying a haunting bloody stain on the wood with the sorrow of his host's death, and waited until another came along to free him. 

"Much later, another young boy stumbles along the same goban in his grandfather's attic while searching for something interesting with a friend." I don't know what I'm seeing anymore, but it's not what's around me. My eyes are unfocused and I almost feel like I'm reliving those life-changing moments all over again but from third-person perspective – like a passenger in my own memories. But I never realized the memories would be so strong when trying to speak them aloud. Now that I've started, I don't know if I'd be able to stop. "So he sees the blood but his friend can't and before he knows what's happening a ghost is there scaring the wits out of him. He abandons the endeavor and goes home." I smile a little at the memory and chuckle a bit. "Imagine being just a kid and starting to hear voice in your head…

"Then… after spending a few days trying to ignore the ghost and get him to go away, the ghost's whining takes its toll and the boy gets sick. Needless to say, the kid was not happy in the least. He figured that if a happy ghost would leave him alone, and a ghost complaining about playing an absurd game made him sick.. what could it hurt let him play a little? So he goes to some random place to let the ghost play a bit. Inside he sees another kid, figuring that at least he could 'play' someone his own age. 

"Things didn't go as planned. The other kid was beaten and didn't seem to take it too well, and on top of that the ghost just wanted to play more. The boy was not pleased. It seemed that so long as the ghost was around he'd never be able to escape Go. Then the kid he had met before challenged him again and again the ghost won. Things happened and slowly the boy's interest in the game began to grow as well and he began paying attention to the games the ghost played and taking him out to watch more. The boy wanted to play Go himself, and he wanted the other kid the ghost had beaten to notice him instead. He tried, but when he met the other boy again in a game he was defeated and the other seemed to have no interest in him. People began suspecting the connection between the great ghost player and the actual boy and from then on the boy forbid the ghost from playing. They played together, but the ghost could no longer use the boy to play or else no one would ever see the boy for himself. The boy didn't want this, so he pushed the ghost to the back."

I pause, a sharp pain stabbing in my chest. If I had known, if only I had _listened to what Sai had been telling me I might have known he was going to leave… I would have let him play more. I would have let him enjoy whatever time he had… I was so selfish back then. So many regrets. A hand on my shoulder draws me out of my self-pity and I pick up where I left off. It's just a phantom I'm telling, after all. If it's not real then it doesn't matter what I say. Right now, that's the reality I need. _

"He played the ghost every night and learned a lot from him, also practicing a lot so he could catch up to the boy who had defeated him. He wanted to be noticed by the person who had only seen his ghost before." I draw in a shuddering breath as the pain of the memories haunt me once more. I'm not even thinking about what I'm saying anymore, it just comes out without hesitation, like it's been waiting for this moment to escape the confines of my heart. "After a few years the boy was finally on his way to achieving his dreams and, feeling guilty, he sets up a game with an opponent his ghost had really wanted to play fairly. Not long after, despite all his subtle warnings of his fears, he… disappeared. He was gone, the boy was distraught and searched everywhere he could think of thinking the ghost was angry. He pleaded desperately for him to come back, even swore that he would never play again, but nothing worked, and in the end he thought to give up Go entirely since the ghost wasn't there with him anymore, hoping to atone for whatever he had done to drive him away. A friend came along after a while that showed him that the ghost wasn't completely gone, he was still in the boy's Go, and so would never really be gone. It was small consolation, but from then on he swore to continue playing so that in that way the ghost would never really die. So… he plays."

I finish my story lamely, still too caught up in my own memories to really be aware of what's going on. The fingers on my shoulder flex to apply a little pressure and I turn my glazed eyes to the side, trying to assimilate the blue eyes – so different from the purple ones in my mind. 

"…Touya?" I blink rapidly, pulling myself back to reality. I'm suddenly conscious of the drying tears along my cheeks. The look in his eyes isn't what I was expecting. He looks confused, of course, but it doesn't look like he thinks I'm lying. It doesn't look anything that I ever imagined, none of my phantom Touyas ever looked quite that way. It almost looks like… he believes me. Then again, who would hurt this much telling a lie, anyway. 

"Are you trying to tell me," he says carefully, staring at me in that intense way of his again, "That the boy was you?" I nod numbly. "And the ghost?" I feel like crying but I don't allow it. 

"Sai…" My voice is just a whisper, I'm not even sure he heard me. It's so surreal talking about him, and after so long. The 'phantom Touya' delusion is fading but a strange sort of numbness has settled in place of it, right next to the acute ache in my heart. "Fujiwarano Sai was the ghost that possessed me. He was in an old goban my grandfather kept up in his attic."

"…And the other one? That he possessed before you?"

A small laugh escapes me. This is where he's really going to stop believing anything I say. "Shuusaku." I tell him. "Honinbo Shuusaku was Sai." To my surprise he nods slightly, eyes softening in thought. 

"It makes sense," he murmurs after long moments of me agonizing over just how much a loon he must think I am. I blink in surprise and stare at him.

"What does?"

"Everything. All the little strange things suddenly make so much sense now."

"You…" I freeze, taken totally aback. His eyes are a little lighter again and distant, focused inward. The hand on my shoulder slipped down at some point and the other was around his jaw in a classic thoughtful expression. I feel like I've been dropped through the world and tossed back over on the other side. "You actually believe me, don't you." It's not really a question, I don't think, but still I find it hard to accept. He looks up at me again, that aqua gaze deep and penetrating. 

"I don't think I've known you to lie about anything except hiding Sai's existence," he tells me, so sure of himself it makes me doubt myself for some reason. "And I don't think you're lying about this."

"What makes you so sure?" I ask, "I could have just made this all up over the past years." He just shakes his head. It's disconcerting how he believes me so easily. "Why do you believe me?" It's just a whisper but I'm sure he heard me. 

"It all makes sense," he says with a small shrug, looking away from me again to stare at the floor between us. "When I met you, I couldn't understand how you could be such an amateur and yet be so _strong_. The way you held the stones, you're attitude towards Pros… and yet you annihilated me in every game. I couldn't understand it. Then when Sai appeared on the internet, I thought it was you. And the more he played…" a small smile plays on his lips and looks up at me briefly. "I remember some of us saying that it was like Shuusaku learning modern strategies. I guess we had been pretty close after all. Part of me knew that it was you, but after playing you in the tournament I couldn't seem to reconcile the two opinions. When I saw you in that internet café that day, I thought for sure I'd find proof that you were Sai. I was so sure it was you…"

"It was," I say, though I don't know why, "I had been letting Sai play that day and just happened to be lucky enough to be looking at websites when you found me. That's why I stopped going; it was such a close call I thought someone would find out if I didn't stop. So I took even that away from him…" I stop myself, not wanting to go into the realm of self-pity anymore. I spent long enough there already. Touya nods again.

"After that it became harder to decide who was who. I thought you were him, but I didn't." He stops, as though something had just occurred to him, and looks up at me. "The one you let him play before he… left. That was my father, wasn't it? When he was in the hospital."

"Yeah. I let Sai play for me in my beginner-dan match against Touya-sensei, but Sai had to handicap himself and so it didn't go well. He wanted a fair match and I thought I owed him at least that much so… I set up the game." I huff a little at the memory, "Your father can be a real pain, though. No offense. It took me a while to convince him to play online since Sai _couldn't__ come to him."_

"I know," Touya says, and there's a small smile on his lips again. "I knew it was you. I wasn't positive, but inside I knew it was. I didn't say anything because I knew you'd deny it, but when I watched the game and thought about who had been to visit him and what I knew of you… I was almost positive it was you."

"I wish Ogata-sensei had been so reserved," I mutter, rolling my head back and shifting my shoulders a bit; they'd gotten a bit stiff from all the pressure of the conversation, but somehow it's getting easier to talk about. When I look at Touya again he's giving me a quizzical look so I elaborate. "He must have come to the same conclusion because afterwards he ambushed me and demanded I show him Sai." I pause, thinking, and add, "Well, he did get to play Sai, but he was really drunk at the time so I doubt he could really tell."

Silence falls between us again and I close my eyes, trying to clear my head a little of all the chaos. When I came over today I hadn't expected anything more than our usual games and banter, it was like a familiar routine to me. We play, I usually lose and throw a fit when he tries to correct me, we argue and before long everything is back to normal again. A part of me is a little afraid that the sudden revelation of Sai will somehow change things and I'm not too sure I'd like that. It took a long time, but he finally sees me for me, sees Shindou Hikaru as his rival. 

Touya Akira sees me as a friend.

"So you're not Sai." Touya finally breaks the silence with one of those statements that's also a question. I open my eyes and face him again. 

"Right."

"But Sai was another person inside of you."

"Right."

"And he's gone now."

"…Right." Silence falls again for a moment after my rather saddened affirmative before Touya speaks once more in a quieter voice. 

"He's gone, but he's not since he's a part of you now, right? You're just… the same person now, aren't you?"

"Not really," I shrug, "He was my best friend and my teacher. I learned a lot from him but I don't think I'll ever really be like him, not entirely. He's in my Go and I'll play forever to keep that much of him alive."

"That's what you meant, isn't it? When you said you wanted to bridge the past and the present with your Go, you were talking about Sai, weren't you?"

I smirk a little. "Yeah." When he says no more for a few minutes I speak again. "Anymore questions?" It's so much easier when the confidant of my deepest secret doesn't think I'm a total lunatic; so much more comforting, too. 

"Maybe later," he tells me with a small smile, "It's a lot to take in, finding out all the mysteries of your best friend are related to a ghost possessing him when he was a child." He shakes his head, "And to think, all that time people really _were_ just chasing a ghost. But Shindou, you're more than just the Go you play… and even if all that's left of Sai is in your Go, it's Shindou Hikaru that's my friend and rival." I smile gratefully and nod, not sure what to say or if I'd trust myself to say it if I did. I look back out the window and the snow I accumulated to a light layer of white all around and they sky is already a dark grey of early evening. 

"I should go, I don't want to go home in the dark _and the snow and my mother may be wondering where I am." I move to stand up but Touya stops me with a hand on my forearm. I look at him in confusion; I thought he had no more questions…_

"Do you have any games tomorrow?" That wasn't what I had been expecting.

"No, why?"

"You can stay if you like. It's getting dark, Father is in China still and Mother won't mind the company. You can call home to let your mother know, even, if she doesn't mind you staying over. Dinner should be done soon anyway."

I blink dumbly. "Are you sure." 

He laughs. He doesn't laugh out loud often enough, I think, usually a small chuckle is all most people can get. "It's why I offered. Come on, it's not that strange to stay over with a friend is it?"

"Most friends aren't the great Touya-sama," I retort with a grin.

"No, Touya-sama is currently in another country, so you're stuck with just 'Akira'," he returns with great seriousness and only the pale blue of his eyes give away his amusement. 

I shake my head a little, still grinning. He's smiling, too, and it's nice to be so relaxed. "There's no 'just' about you, Touya Akira." 

"Likewise," he says seriously and pushes himself to his feet. "I'll go tell Mother that you're staying…?" I nod and he walks away, taking our two tea cups away also. I sigh in wry amusement and drag myself up to go call my own mother so she won't think I died or something. Idly I wonder when I should get an apartment of my own like Waya did. Maybe someday, but for now I really don't mind staying at home. I don't really need a lot more freedom than I already have and I don't want to make my mother worry. I call home and pretty much just inform my parents that I'll be staying over; I'm 18 now and generally don't need to ask permission for something so simple and I doubt she'd have a reason to say 'no' anyway. 

When I return to the room I sit in front of the goban, staring at the board covered with neat rows of stones. I can almost see Sai sitting across from me, legs folded neatly under all those layers of loose clothes, his fan up and just slightly open, enough to hide his mouth as he lifts those limitless violet eyes to watch me. But he gave that fan to me in a dream already and even as I think it I can see him lowering it slowly and setting it purposefully on the board between us. 

_Sai…_

_He really found you. I haven't forgotten you. I don't think anyone will ever be able to forget you. Even if only Touya and I know the truth about you, others still remember the remarkable Sai. _

_I wish you hadn't left…_

The Sai I see inclines his head, that incredibly long hair and bangs slipping forward from gravity that shouldn't be able to affect a ghost. 

_I miss you Sai… _

_I'll never forget you and now there's another who knows you existed. _

I can see the eyes warm with the smile gracing those deathly bluish lips. The visage of my ghost stands fluidly and leans forward over the board. Anyone real would fall over, but he just kind of… floats, and I can imagine all that fabric rustling softly, whispering my name and assurances to my heart. The wide sleeves wrap around me and I close my eyes with a small, choked sob, wishing that it were more than my over-active imagination. With my eyes closed I can almost believe that there are ethereal arms draped over me, long, full hair just over my shoulder, a kind of _presence actually there with me, holding me. _

Footsteps draw my eyes open and I see Touya looking at me curiously. Sai isn't anywhere – he hasn't been for a long time. I offer a weak smile despite the fact that I feel like crying again. 

"I miss him." I offer simply. My friend's expression softens and he walks closer, settling himself down across from me where I had imagined Sai only moments before. Carefully, Touya begins to collect the stones. 

"Let's play, Shindou."

"…Un." I help to collect the stones and place them in the proper bowls. 

"Onegai shimasu." He still bows a little and some of his hair slips forward over his shoulders, though it's long enough now that most of it stays back behind his shoulders. 

"Onegai shimasu." I, on the other hand, have no such trouble when I bow. We straighten and Touya reaches down to grab a stone – he's playing black. The familiar _pachi_ sound comforts me and I hold my own stone ready to play. I know exactly what I'm going to do. I can feel the flow of the stones.

_I'm never going to forget you, Sai._

The shining white stone strikes the board distinctly.

_Pachi__. _

Owari

Konpeitou : I hoped that wasn't too horrible, but my muse seems to think it's amusing to strike me with an idea when I desperately need to study. *glares*

Kuja : hohoho–

Konpeitou : As I mentioned, I went back and made a few adjustments, since the original draft was somewhat rushed due to studying needs and my muse and my pride would not let me rest with something that didn't feel right left unfinished. I hope this version was better than the last. 

Kuja : Yes, and maybe then it'll leave you in peace…

Konpeitou : _Hem! Yes, well. Thanks for reading! *bows* Arigatou gozaimashita._


End file.
